Sunday, April 26, 2009 - :

OMG. What have I just went and done wrong? I think he is most angry at me because of 3 incidents. First one was that I had once asked 11 to ‘chase’ him away even though I knew he wanted to sit and talk with me. I told him later that I merely needed some of my own space when he brought it up on a piece of paper. He didn’t believe me as he thought that I no longer trust him.

Second incident was during FnN, he wanted to have a try on my dish and I told him that he can eat it later during Chinese lessons where everyone can have a fair share. The last thing I needed was to be pestered at. The last time it happened, I ran out of the classroom, freaking out. So, he played with my strawberries and I was a bit agitated because we were running late for IC taking. He wasn’t the only one who played with the strawberries.

But hey, I wasn’t even angry at him. Just agitated with the pestering. Third incident was when he thought that I was angry at him for eating my dish when I already knew that he didn’t eat it. He tried to chat but I shrugged off. He thought I was really angry at him even though I was not, so he got agitated also. Maybe also because I returned his container of rice and curry chicken to him. After that, he wrote a letter to me saying that I don’t trust him and that I have misunderstood him. That he knew that I chased him away.

I told him again that I needed my space that time. I went home, worried sick of him. I even got Yi Min to check up his blog to see if he had written something bad, like trying to eat panadol etc. Then, I even borrowed my mum’s phone to SMS him. I told him that I was sorry for neglecting him and that I will make it up to him by bringing strawberries for him. He said he will accept it as a last gift, saying that all his friends are neglecting him and that I was the last friend to leave him. I was still worried sick, scared that he would do something foolish. He eaten panadols and cutted himself before. Of course, I’ll be damn worried sick for him.

I couldn’t sleep well that night. Next thing I knew, I got a fever. Nevertheless, I still woke up early to prepare the strawberries. I even brought two chocolates and a lollipop for him, thinking that it will expresses my apology better. I went to school extra early just to put all the things on his table, along with the MP3 since he said he will take it. He later returned everything to me before Math lessons. I really wanted to apologies though I wasn’t the only friend who neglected him. He kept on passing back the strawberries. I was disturbed because he said before he will accept it but yet, he returning everything to me. I cried because I felt so wrong. Like my apology was too insignificant to him. I mean, 7 also got neglected him and 7 didn’t apologies to him. At least, I made an effort to apologies.

When I cried in Math, my fever returned, much worse. I didn’t take the panadol as I was taking it as a punishment. He didn’t cared but just went home at recess. My friends are asking me to forget him but it hurts when you see your friend is leaving, right? I don’t like to mistreat my friends. I’m trying to make it up but he kept on saying that he had given up on everything in his life. If it hurts so much for the both of us, we are both leaving each other. I’m still trying to forget this person. My friends are helping me out. I hate being so weak in front of my friends. I tried my best already. Honestly, I feared him. I’m having the guy-phobia again.

Dravelle blogged at 8:50 PM